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June 06, 2007

The 'preemptive strike' defense

ITA friend and neighbor Josh Whicker has penned a new satire piece titled "Indianapolis man testifies that assault on homeless man was 'preemptive strike'". Here's a tease:

An Indianapolis iron worker took a page out of President Bush’s book when explaining to a jury why he attacked a homeless man in an alley after a football game last November.

When Marion County prosecutor Glenn Simmons asked William L. "Butch" Riley, 38, why he poked Timothy Upshaw Jr. in the right eye and groin with the tip of his umbrella in an alley near the RCA Dome after the Colts thrashed the Philadelphia Eagles 45-21 on November 26, the defendant had an atypical response.

"I must and will act preemptively to defeat any enemy who would impose his or her will on me, my allies, or my friends," said Riley, who was wearing a blue suit and red tie with a bald eagle tie tack. "That is good enough for our government so it is good enough for me."

The fun didn't stop there though, because the folks over at Fark picked up on it and linked to it, with numerous commenters not realizing the article is satire. That, I fear, doesn't bode well for our society. But as always some Fark commenters didn't disappoint. Here are a few of my favorite responses:

• "It was just bad intelligence..."
• "He's fighting them in Indianapolis so I don't have to fight them here."
• "b...b...but the guy who walked by before him wanted to do it too...and he was in violation of city council sanctions."

Posted by Joshua Claybourn at June 6, 2007 02:52 PM

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