In the Agora: An In-Depth Discussion of Dilatants with the TSA

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August 30, 2006

An In-Depth Discussion of Dilatants with the TSA

As I ponder the mysteries of airline security, I find that the recent, implausible scheme to mix fluids on-board a flight to make an explosive has produced some spotty enforcement and weird rules.

It's nigh-impossible for screeners to catch every single vessel of fluid that resides the in the crevices of carry-on items. Maybe this is a good thing, as a bomb from 0.5 fl. oz. of eyedrops is probably even more unlikely than from a sports drink. But to introduce new guidelines on the size of containers would probably just make the rules even sillier.

If passengers had any guff, they would content themselves with secreting small containers in overlooked nooks. But I'm afraid passengers are rather guffless these days, so cowed as they are by the atmosphere of haphazard security measures. Last week, I observed one businessman revealing to his coworkers with some bravado that his laptop bag, somehow, still had a spray bottle of lens cleaner. He made light of it, but his shifty looks around for an imminent reprimand belied the fact that he was truly abashed by this oversight. Pathetic.

(Then again, one woman at the security checkpoint was astonished that they would not let her take a lighter on-board. While I do agree with her that a lighter is relatively harmless, it was amusing to find someone so removed from current events that such a security measure was a surprise.)

What's more, I'm glad that the chemists employed by the TSA quickly determined that there is no way potential explosives can be masked in baby formula, breast milk, or vials of insulin. This was surely a close call, for early on Stupid Thursday, it was initially thought that juice in baby bottles was also immune; further research must have cleared up this misconception.

Viscosity is also an unusual predictor of explosive potential. Gels are sufficiently fluid to be banned, but much that is resistant to shear stress is acceptable, stick deodorants, for instance. (I think this is really the clue to understanding the true threat we face: The Joker! Remember his dastardly scheme from the 1989 Batman film?)

I've also been thinking about where the line gets drawn between gels and solids. If I were more peevish and had oodles of free time before a flight, I'd probably bring some oobleck in my carry-on. You remember oobleck, don't you? That peculiar mixture of water and cornstarch from Middle School? Is it a solid, or is it a liquid? Hours of fun in the private screening area, I'm sure.

Would I be put out by this lengthy interrogation by the TSA? Absolutely not! I would be proud to spend time with these fine civil servants -- why, they are much more than that! They possess, as Brian Doherty puts it, "almost foolhardy bravery," citing John Lopez's observation that they, "willingly risk their lives by handling potentially explosive liquids as roughly as if they were nothing more than harmless toiletries."

I'm so glad that back in 2001, Tom Daschle and his fellow Democrats insisted that we nationalize airport security to ensure quality and safety. I know one fellow who recently applied for a position as an airport screener. He reported that the computerized testing for identifying weapons in luggage x-rays was beyond confusing; three-quarters of the way through the test, he had resigned himself to haphazard guessing on the multiple choice. With each click, he felt his chances of employment receding. Mercifully, the Blue Screen of Death interrupted the ordeal. Unable to solve the computer problem or restart the test (applicants must wait six months to retry), they sent him home. His disappointment vanished when he received a call shortly thereafter; based upon the questions he was able to answer, he scored in the 95th percentile and was eligible for employment. I'm sure this guy would confiscate my oobleck -- if he hadn't taken another job, much to the dismay of the TSA.

Posted by Zach Wendling at August 30, 2006 08:42 PM

Comments

I am reminded of the current ads for Wendy's Frosties, which are described as "the only soquid you eat with a fpoon." I wonder if I could get one of those on a plane?

Posted by: Nick Blesch at August 31, 2006 01:17 AM | permalink

Dilettantes?

Posted by: JohnS at August 31, 2006 09:57 AM | permalink

I didn't think so. Great new word (for me at least)---dilatants are "viscoelastic non-Newtonian fluids."

Posted by: JohnS at August 31, 2006 10:02 AM | permalink

I think you mistakenly blame the craven democrats for nationalizing airport security. My recollection is that they only wanted them unionized so that the craven democrats would have a new source of income. The creation of new parasites is just one of those big government sorts of practices done by both craven parties.

Posted by: Anonymous at August 31, 2006 12:51 PM | permalink

That's right, it's all Tom Dashcle's fault!

Posted by: JohnS at August 31, 2006 02:29 PM | permalink

"While I do agree with her that a lighter is relatively harmless"

Without being drawn into the TSA mess, I did have to take issue with this statement. Actually, a fire inside the fuselage is about the worst emergency you can have on an airplane that is still potentially survivable. A psycho who wasn't concerned about dying himself could cause big trouble with a lighter.

Posted by: J at August 31, 2006 03:54 PM | permalink

I have often thought about the whole X-Ray examination thing.

I am an electrical engineer, and I would have a very hard time trying to diagnose the design of most of the electrical devices around by looking at an x-ray. There are just too many ways that you can make one device look like another. I find it unlikely that the screeners have sufficient education in engineering, chemistry, and biology that would be required to identify every item in someone's handbag by only looking at an X-ray.

Posted by: Dave S. at September 4, 2006 03:35 PM | permalink

August 30, 2006

An In-Depth Discussion of Dilatants with the TSA

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