In the Agora: Sources: Davis out at Indiana

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February 15, 2006

Sources: Davis out at Indiana

Sports Illustrated's Seth Davis reports, "Davis out at Indiana: Coach resigns, will stay on through end of season." Sporting News offers its story titled, "Indiana's Davis to resign." Sources close to the situation suggest the university hopes to have a news conference in Bloomington to discuss details of Davis' termination "as early as Thursday." I called the IU Athletic Department to find out what time the press conference would be held. They replied, "We can't really comment on anything at this time. We'll do so at a more appropriate time."

ITA's highly scientific poll suggests readers favor Chuck Norris as his replacement, followed by Rick Majerus. In honor of these results I offer 15 little known facts about Chuck Norris in the extended entry (courtesy of Brian Logue).

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".
Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity.", then you are dead wrong.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.

Posted by Joshua Claybourn at February 15, 2006 10:06 PM

Comments

Are they celebrating at Showalter Fountain yet?

Posted by: Zach Wendling at February 15, 2006 11:06 PM | permalink

Let us know how many fish are left tomorrow.

Posted by: Balta at February 16, 2006 12:42 AM | permalink

What's the point of staying on to the end of the season? To enjoy the perks of being a lame duck?

Posted by: David Darlington at February 16, 2006 10:02 AM | permalink

What's the point of staying on to the end of the season?

Most likely to salvage any remaining team morale. Despite the fact that the fans, alumni, students, media, and administration have deemed Davis unworthy, the players are still loyal to him and quite bitter about the whole ordeal.

Posted by: Zach Wendling at February 16, 2006 11:08 AM | permalink

I was at last night's game and frankly it boggles the mind how such talented players can remain loyal to a coach whose "instruction" leaves them looking like high schoolers against the Penn State zone defense. Seriously, on a few occasions there were no Hoosiers inside the 3-point line!

Posted by: Eric Seymour at February 16, 2006 11:23 AM | permalink

The press conference is today (Thursday, Feb 16th) at 1:30 EST.

Posted by: Anonymous at February 16, 2006 12:13 PM | permalink

"What's the point of staying on to the end of the season? To enjoy the perks of being a lame duck?"

The coach is taking a page from President Herbert's playbook.

Posted by: Paul at February 16, 2006 12:17 PM | permalink

The one good thing about Davis staying on is that it doesn't necessarily give one of his assistant coaches the insider track at taking his job, the way Davis got it almost by default after Knight was removed. Now they can start trying to peel someone away from another team while the season is still going and not feel like they're sabotaging the guy who's still coaching, since Davis is leaving anyway.

(Jay Wright, Villanova, btw.)

Posted by: Balta at February 16, 2006 12:31 PM | permalink

I think you should give serious consideration to Dr. Tom Davis. He's more likely to take what you already have to the final four next year than anyone I can think of. The knock on him is recruiting, but he's never had a team located in the deep water of the midwest talent pool and with tradition like Indiana to boot. Besides you could save money on redecorating.

Posted by: Mike O at February 16, 2006 12:33 PM | permalink