I'll take a shot. Here's my top ten in the order of decreasing seriousness.

1. The New England Patriots will win their 4th Super Bowl, over the Washington Redskins.

2. Oil prices peak at $90 a barrel during the summer travel season.

3. Oil, the war in Iraq, and Bush fatigue cause the GOP to lose the Senate in the 2006 midterms. On the bright side, New Jersey elects Tom Kean, Jr., its first GOP senator since 1982.

4. Donald Rumsfeld resigns.

5. Karl Rove remains unindicted and the bane of
Democrats everywhere.

6. The bubble pops for the following: housing, the iPod, reality tv, blogs.

7. Pat Robertson calls for the assassination of Hugo Chavez, Cesar Chavez, Cesar Romero, Hugo Lafayette Black, and Javier Vazquez.

8. Senator Sam Brownback's presidential aspirations are derailed by comedians coming up with obscene references to his last name.

9. Justice John Paul Stevens dies, but Democrats keep him alive "Weekend at Bernies"-style until 2009 when President Clinton can name his replacement.

10. The Rick Warren biopic, "A Purpose-Driven Love Life," a romantic comedy scheduled for Christmas 2006 release, is marketed to Christians as "the best evangelistic tool of all time."

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad faces the dilemma of his career: ban blue jeans because of their link to evil Western society, or steal Sweden's Cheap Monday jeans' idea of marketing jeans with an anti-Christian logo. Ahmadinejad will ultimately decide the latter, but make the jeans' logo anti-Jewish, not anti-Christian.

1. To make it truly a living, breathing document, the US Constitution will be placed online in a Wiki database, editable by anyone who signs the free registration.

2. Seeking to capitalize on new cultural trends, ABC will launch a new program: "Monday Night Little Green Footballs."

3. A rift will develop within the Hollywood Left when an endangered slug is discovered on Barbra Streisand's property.

4. The Nobel Peace Prize will be won by someone who did less to advance world peace than I did.

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