Walker, Texas Ranger
Posted by Joshua Claybourn on 15 November 2005 | 12 responses
This clip is, in my opinion, the best of all time. As bonus trivia, here’s a fun fact: George W. Bush has stated that Chuck Norris is his favorite actor.
12 Responses to “Walker, Texas Ranger”
15 Little Known Facts About Chuck Norris
1. Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
2. A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is “Charles”.
Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
3. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead
decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb. Shortly thereafter he
grew a beard.
4. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the
JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his
beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.
5. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually “Chuck
Norris–more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris–robot in disguise,” and
starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from
drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too
much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
6. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift
of “beard”. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen,
jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence
to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of
roundhouse kick related deaths.
7. Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by
yelling, “Bang!”
8. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from
cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also
requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on
his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
9. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and
saying “booya”.
10. Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is
injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer.
This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to
lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
11. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
12. When Chuck Norris’s wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck
said, “Don’t worry about it honey,” and went into his backyard. He came
back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he
threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with
cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her
a roundhouse kick to the face and said, “Never question Chuck Norris.”
13. Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours.
If you’re thinking to yourself, “That’s impossible, I already lost my
virginity.”, then you are dead wrong.
14. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are
trademarked names for his left and right legs.
15. Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put
razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is “his”
way.
You forgot Fact #16, possibly his greatest feat:
Before Chuck Norris, it used to take the Earth 365 days to revolve around the sun. Then in the fall of 1976, Chuck Norris performed a roundhouse kick so powerful, the shockwave caused the Earth to slow and since then it now takes the Earth 365 and 1/4 days to revolve around the sun. Chuck Norris is the reason we recognize leap years.
Wow. Just…wow.
I fail to see the humor in this or understand why anyone would think it unusual for President Bush to consider Chuck Norris to be his favorite actor.
All Norris people are naturally endowed with superhuman strength, movie-star good looks and bottomless wells of charisma.
We also understand why others in the world would mock us since they are so clearly not Norris.
Not really sincerely,
Dave Norris
(no beard side of the family)
Does anyone remember when Conan O’Brien used to have a “Walker Texas Ranger” lever…which he would pull at random intervals during his show, thereby causing clips from Walker, Texas Ranger to play?
That’s waht this post reminded me of.
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail…
Oh, man, I loved that game! Does anyone born after 1980 know what it is?
Are you serious Balta? If so, I recommend following the links before commenting next time.
He has used that lever as recently as this summer — I don’t know whether he has used it since then.
I know what Oregon Trail is, but I don’t know whether it is available anywhere, now.
It is.
http://www.classicgaming.com/rotw/otrail.shtml
http://www.brandonbird.com/arete.html
Check out his majesty!
hahahahahha LMFAO HILARIOUS