In the Agora: The cold hard truth

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January 18, 2005

The cold hard truth

There's been a significant development among women that I don't think many guys have noticed. It's the popularity of Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo's book He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys. In the past two weeks I've had a whopping ten seperate and unrelated girls mention it to me ("Oh my gawd! It's sooo truuue!"). It's little wonder that the self-help book has spent 13 weeks on the bestseller list.

If men wish to understand this odd species we call females, it might help to understand what ~~propoganda~~ information Mr. Behrendt and Ms. Tuccillo are feeding them. The book is short and you can easily read it in one sitting. Although the description that Amazon offers is more thorough, this excerpt reveals a lot:

Let me say it again, sexual harassment rules and workplace memos notwithstanding, a guy will ask out a woman of higher status if he's into her. He might need a little more encouragement than normal, I'll give you that. You might have to lead Johnny the Office Boy or Phillipe the Exterminator to water, but you better not help him ask you out. Once again, ladies, a wink and a smile will do it.

The thesis of the book is simply what others, including yours truly, have written countless times before: playing hard to get pays off. The economics of dating is the same as other goods and services. People will desire others simply if they're perceived as scarce. Does this sound familiar? It should, because the book is almost a mirror of the wildly popular 1995 book entitled The Rules by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider. He's Just Not That Into You even tries to borrow terminology made famous from the Ladder Theory found online. The only unique angle is that the book throws in the added advice to drop any loser who treats you poorly. But must you really pay $12 to know that? In short, He's Just Not That Into You offers a powerfully truthful message, but it's a message that is old news and should be familiar to everyone by now.

[File under: Garbage Like Sex and the City]

Update (2/14/07): Researchers at Aberdeen University's Face Research Laboratory confirm that when a woman sees other women smiling at a man, he suddenly becomes more attractive.

Posted by Joshua Claybourn at January 18, 2005 01:03 AM

Comments

Ladder Theory... *groans*

Posted by: Nick Blesch at January 18, 2005 02:26 AM | permalink

The Al Mohler Program did a whole show on this book in November. The mp3 link is below...

Albert Mohler Program 11-29-04

Posted by: Greg at January 18, 2005 12:25 PM | permalink

If these books are all lies, then what are the answers? For all your derision for this line of books, you yourself are admittedly single.

Sounds like you don't want to work for it.

And the reason shows such as SATC are popular is because they are true and strike a nerve with women. We've all dated guys like that once or twice before. If they weren't true, we wouldn't be so devoted to them.

Posted by: Lucy at January 18, 2005 04:33 PM | permalink

"If these books are all lies, then what are the answers? For all your derision for this line of books, you yourself are admittedly single."

You're out of line. Watch yourself or get banned.

Posted by: Paul at January 18, 2005 04:37 PM | permalink

If these books are all lies, then what are the answers? For all your derision for this line of books, you yourself are admittedly single. Sounds like you don't want to work for it.

Actually I'm happily married with 2.5 kids. And if I was single, one can be single by choice and still fully comprehend the "work" necessary to change it. You must live a sad life indeed to presume single people are ignorant of dating.

Had you read this post closely you'd see that I don't claim this other similar books are inaccurate. I write very clearly, "In short, He's Just Not That Into You offers a powerfully truthful message, but it's a message that is old news and should be familiar to everyone by now." Did you choose not to read that and simply jump to a pre-conceived conclusion? Apparently.

Posted by: Joshua Claybourn at January 18, 2005 04:40 PM | permalink